Love Songs Gone Wrong: This is NOT How You Do It

Posted on Updated on

Have you noticed that lately, love songs have been poorly written? Maybe it’s just me being a curmudgeon, but here are some of the songs I like to crinkle my nose at in disgust and say: “If you are going to write me a love song, you are not allowed to do this…”

Do not start your love song off with:

What would I do without your smart mouth?

I don’t know. But you’re about to find out what I can do with my smart foot.

Somali_Wild_Ass_pair

Ugh, I can’t tell if this song is about a sex addict or a stalker. Just… no.

I’m hurting, baby, I’m broken down
I need your loving, loving, I need it now
When I’m without you
I’m something weak
You got me begging
Begging, I’m on my knees

I want cling wrap on my sandwich... I don't want to date it.
I want cling wrap on my sandwich… I don’t want to date it.

Image courtesy of dvs (Flickr: sandwich) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

I usually love me some Ellie Goulding, but really?

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do

As opposed to loving you like someone else? These lyrics aren’t touching, and they don’t really make sense.

So, which
So, which “me” do you want – Jekyll or Hyde?

Okay, probably not actually considered a love song, but I have to include these lyrics, which are just too funny:

Can I hit it in the bathroom? Put your hands on the toilet
I put one leg on the tub
Girl, that’s my new dance move, I just don’t know what to call it
But bitch you dancing with the stars
I ain’t nothin’ like your last dude, what’s his name? Not important
I bought some cocaine if you snortin’
And she became a vacuum, put it on my dick like carpet
Suck the white off white chocolate

Let’s add comparing female genitalia to household appliances on our “don’t do this in a love song” list.

#notavagina
#notavagina

Are there any popular “love” songs that get under your nerves? Please share in the comments below!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s