Love Songs Gone Wrong: This is NOT How You Do It

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Have you noticed that lately, love songs have been poorly written? Maybe it’s just me being a curmudgeon, but here are some of the songs I like to crinkle my nose at in disgust and say: “If you are going to write me a love song, you are not allowed to do this…”

Do not start your love song off with:

What would I do without your smart mouth?

I don’t know. But you’re about to find out what I can do with my smart foot.


Ugh, I can’t tell if this song is about a sex addict or a stalker. Just… no.

I’m hurting, baby, I’m broken down
I need your loving, loving, I need it now
When I’m without you
I’m something weak
You got me begging
Begging, I’m on my knees

I want cling wrap on my sandwich... I don't want to date it.
I want cling wrap on my sandwich… I don’t want to date it.

Image courtesy of dvs (Flickr: sandwich) [CC BY 2.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

I usually love me some Ellie Goulding, but really?

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do

As opposed to loving you like someone else? These lyrics aren’t touching, and they don’t really make sense.

So, which
So, which “me” do you want – Jekyll or Hyde?

Okay, probably not actually considered a love song, but I have to include these lyrics, which are just too funny:

Can I hit it in the bathroom? Put your hands on the toilet
I put one leg on the tub
Girl, that’s my new dance move, I just don’t know what to call it
But bitch you dancing with the stars
I ain’t nothin’ like your last dude, what’s his name? Not important
I bought some cocaine if you snortin’
And she became a vacuum, put it on my dick like carpet
Suck the white off white chocolate

Let’s add comparing female genitalia to household appliances on our “don’t do this in a love song” list.


Are there any popular “love” songs that get under your nerves? Please share in the comments below!


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